Bajeebers

I recently had the bajeebers scared out of me. It got me thinking...what are bajeebers, anyway? How many bajeebers does the average person have? Do they replenish? I've had the bajeebers scared out of me numerous times throughout my life. Or, are we just full of bajeebers and each spooky thing that happens only takes a few of them? Does having lots of bajeebers still inside of you, make you a better person? Lots to ponder. I feel this is a very important subject.

Also.I feel we need to discuss heebie-jeebies. That's the feeling you get when something squicky is happening. It's kind of a shivery sort of thing, often accompanied by the sound "glergh!!". The heebie-jeebies aren't quite as serious as bajeebers (or, as my husband likes to say, be-jabbers). 

And a little further down the scale is the woopie-wopie. I would say that woopie-wopies are confined in your stomach - that's the flippy floppy feeling you get when something is sort of heebie-jeebie. You need to trust those woopie-wopie feelings...because if you don't, you never know what might happen. CONSTANT VIGILANCE! Because otherwise...you might end up losing another bajeeber!!!!

Patterns

Musings....


I hate it when I can see the pattern on something that is supposed to look random. Beads on necklaces, prints on fabrics, "rocks" on vinyl flooring. I can always pick out the pattern repeat and it bugs me.


I always feel like the people who designed it think we're all too stupid to notice. 

The Coverall Shrug

Farmers and oilfield workers everywhere have something that ties them together. Regardless of height, weight, or size of their bald spot, guys who don coveralls to go to work do it the same way.


One leg, two legs. Pull them up to the thighs. Bend forward, insert arms. Now comes the signature move. The hike, jump, wiggle and collar pop. All in a vain effort to keep the clothes underneath the coveralls in a comfortable, untwisted manner. I don't think it ever works. 


Then there's the gyrating, twisting "fixing the sleeves" action and the final move to this choreographed dance is to do up the zipper. Which usually gets caught on extra fabric and must be jiggled to close properly.


It's a full-body warm-up for a hard day's work in the field. :)

Lack of Observation Skills

Hi. I haven't been observing much lately. So, um...yeah...sorry about that. I've had a few blog post ideas but they are kind of baby-centered (I have 2 kids now :)) and I don't want to turn this into one of those dreaded mommy-blogs. There are enough of them out there. So...when the brain fog lifts I'll find something funny to say.


.


.


.


.


.


.


.


.


.


.


STINKY UNICORN BREATH!!
[you're supposed to giggle now]

Canned Conversations

You know when you send a text on your phone, and you can insert a "Canned Message"? The ones on my phone are things like "Running late - see you in 15", "Can't talk now - in a meeting", "Love you too!" or "Where are you?"

These canned messages are, supposedly, things that you would say (text) so often that it would just be easier to go into the canned message folder and select the appropriate response.

I have noticed lately that real-life conversations have similar habits as canned messages on your phone. The ultimate example is the typical meet-you-on-the-street conversation:
"Hi Sally!"
"Hi Maria! How are you?"
"Good, thanks! How about you?"
"Oh good! And how are you?" (I love when this happens - when you forget that you already asked the person how they are, and you ask again...hahahaha....)

To buck the trend here, I always say "FABULOUS!!!" when someone asks me how I am. Even if I'm far from fabulous, I still say it. Many people are taken aback and say "Fabulous?" and give me a funny look. Some people say "Oh, I wish I was fabulous".... here is where I roll my eyes and think to myself...you CAN be fabulous, you just have to stop thinking of yourself as drab, boring and annoying.... Even though I think they are drab, boring and annoying....

The majority of canned conversations I've encountered recently have to do with babies, since I have a 15-month old boy.
It started when he was a baby:
"Is he a good baby?" (As if babies could be bad??!!)
"Is he sleeping through the night?" (Um, no, he's a baby and needs to nurse during the night)

Then, progressed once he got older:
"Oh, he's crawling now? HAH BA HA HEEEE, I bet you're one busy mom now!!" (As if I didn't expect it??)
"I bet he's just getting into everything!" (Yes, babies are supposed to be curious, and I like it when he 'gets into' things)

And once he started walking? Oh my, can you just imagine all the smug "HOOoooh boy, I bet you never stop running now!!" comments?

Seriously people. Get original. I'm sick of hearing the exact same conversations wherever I go. Break out from the mold and be fabulous once in a while!!

Hold Me

I went out for supper with my sisters the other night. We were jabbering and I was telling a story about something I recently experienced. I was barely even started into the story before they both enthusiastically exclaimed "BLOG POST!"


I guess they were right - it would be a good blog post. At least this way I can get through my story without a sister spitting nacho chips and artichoke dip across the table at me. 


So, here it is. A blog post about telemarketers. But not the typical "telemarketers are so stupid" complaint. Because when the subject of telemarketers comes up, no matter where you are, the dialogue and things people say are always the same. They brag about how they like to challenge the poor employee to an intellectual battle, or leave the phone off the hook and walk away, or ask the employee if they could call their house at suppertime. And then they giggle and chortle at their original cleverness.


No. This is different.


The phone rings. I look at the number. I don't recognize it, but we get overseas calls from family so I answer anyway.


Here is the conversation:


Hallo!
*silence*
Hello? (Patiently - because sometimes overseas calls take a bit to connect)
 *silence*
Hallooooooooo....? (Getting slightly perterbed)
*computer recording, cheerfully* Hello! This is a VERY important call. Please hold while we connect you to one of our representitives. *cue Celine Dion music*


Ok. Did you catch that?


They called ME, and then put ME on hold! They didn't even say who they were!


Then I got thinking...what kind of people think this tactic will work? Who thought up this genius idea? I almost want to wait the awful music out to see what the company is. But on the other hand I don't want to validate them by waiting. I just do. not. understand. how anyone could ever think that this was a good idea! .

I imagine this - they are a bunch of brush-cut professionals in suits and ties, sitting around a mahogany committee table. Oooh, the mahogany makes me think that they are all smoking pipes and talking in a British accent. Maybe they even have their hands over the side of their overstuffed chaires, petting a loyal foxhound. And scratch the ties - they are wearing tweed suits with bowties! Brilliant! I bet the company wants to know our opinion on fox hunting in the 21st century. Maybe when I get these calls, I can just say "Tally Ho!" and they'll leave me alone?

Collection of Quirks

What are your quirks? I've recently been thinking about the things that I hate, that make other people go, "huhh? That bugs you??"

Here's my list!

- The Macaroni Sound - you know, the squishing, squelching, disgusting sound of cheesy macaroni being stirred in a big pot. PUKE!!!

- Potato Eyes - there's a story to this one...when I was in college, my mom gave me a box of potatoes. I put them behind the door in my dorm, in a nice dark, cool corner. When I went to get a potato to cook a while later, I lifted the lid to get a beautiful, round, red, potato, and I was bombarded with CREEPY POTATO EYES!!! They had started sprouting in the box and all I could see were potato stalactites (or is it stalagmites?). Freaked me right out. Now, I can't even touch one of those furry purple potato eyes. My husband bugs me about it all the time, and has been known to chase me around the kitchen with a growing potato. *shudder*

- Sometimes my fingernails feel like they are 'sticking' to the skin underneath, and I have to pull the skin away or it gives me the heebie-jeebies.

- I am terrified of the dark. I've been able to control it since our baby was born, and I've had to stumble around in the dark with no choice in the matter. But often, when I'm coming back from the nursery, I do that silly "I'm-not-actually-scared" run/walk and then dive into bed. My understanding husband will cuddle with me and gently say, "Snakes?" And I nod, make sure every appendage is safely under the covers, and snuggle into him.

- I HATE cold dishwater or bathwater. Especially the dishwater that you've been soaking that disgusting casserole dish in. It gives my belly the woopie-wawpees. This is another thing that my stellar husband will rescue me from, no questions asked. He's the best :D

- I get really bugged when someone switches the song on the radio halfway through. If you hear the first couple notes of a song and don't like it, you need to change it NOW. If you're too stupid to recognize that it's a song you don't like, you deserve to be forced to listen to the whole thing.

- When I'm cutting sweet potatoes, I NEED to eat some of it. I've tried to resist, but my mouth waters like crazy and I feel all weird inside unless I take a nice big chomp of crunchy yam. mmmmm!!!

- I'm very picky about bananas. I love to eat them, as bananas. But I HATE them in fruit salad (what a way to ruin a good fruit salad! The poor grapes, apples, oranges and kiwis don't deserve such torture!), smoothies (the first time I got a Booster Juice, I accidentally ordered one that had a banana in it, and I almost cried. My husband can also attest to this. He even offered to switch smoothies with me, but his had a banana in it too. Tragic!), and cereal (ICK! Cheerioes and bananas? Gag me!). But, I love banana bread.
I also will.not.eat a banana that has any black on the skin. I believe this is hereditary, because my mom always comments on how my dad is a princess when it comes to bananas. If you ask my dad about this, he would probably say "I have no idea what you're talking about. I have no recollection of this!". But it's true. Because of this affliction, when there's a banana with black on it, I will strategically place it in the fruit bowl so that my husband eats it. [insert maniacal laughter here]

These are all the ones I can think of for now. This might be a recurring blog post theme as I think of more!

Comment with your quirks!