Step Countess

Do you use a walking tracker or step counter?

I have been on both sides of the pendulum - for a full year I was "all in" and used it all the time. Then my tracking bracelet broke and I kinda panicked. I looooooved the information I got every day.  But when I didn't have it, I realized I had an unhealthy relationship with it. I had been obsessing over it, and when I didn't have that data there waiting for me anymore, I felt so free! So I ditched it altogether. But now I've settled somewhere in the middle - I use the fitbit app to track the gps of my walks sometimes just for fun, but I still have no idea how many steps I would have taken in a day.

Here are some of the questions I wished I had asked myself when I was using the fitbit:

-Are you able to observe the information passively, or are you obsessing over the data instead of enjoying the walk itself?

-Do you find yourself swinging your arms just a little bit extra, to make sure your tracker picks up the steps?

-Do you pace your bedroom to get that last 300 steps to hit your goal number for the day?

-If you're out for a walk for 26 minutes, do you go for another 4 minutes to make it "count" as a 30-minute walk? Or getting in the last .03 km to get to an even number?

-Does hitting these arbitrary numbers really matter?

-Why does your day feel ruined when you don't hit your goal number?

-If you lose your "daily walk streak" is it really a bad thing?

Using a step counter can be a great way to increase your self-awareness and remind you to walk if you have a hard time remembering. It can definitely help you increase your daily NEAT (Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis) by giving you concrete data to help you set a reasonable goal for yourself.

But I would say that if you find yourself slipping into the mindset above, that it might be time to re-evaluate how you use your tracker. <3
Guilt, shame, and "motivation" are counterproductive to getting solid on habits.

#allorsomething

All Or Something

All or Nothing is a mentality that permeates almost every part of our culture. The problem with this way of thinking is that nobody can do All. So then they do Nothing. This is especially prevalent in the dieting world, where people will go on diets and restrict their food intake or eliminate entire food groups. This is not sustainable, and the instant they mess up and eat a "forbidden food", they will give up and binge on all the foods they weren't supposed to eat.

In September I joined a habit coaching group called Balance 365. The program is designed by the founders of Healthy Habits Happy Moms. It has some suggested habits and tips for working on them, and they recommend that you choose one habit. You work on the habit until it becomes....habit.... and then you will be ready to add a new one.

I had already been working on two habits - eating breakfast every day and doing a short exercise program afterwards. I decided that I was ready to add another one - brushing my teeth twice a day. It seems simple but it was something I was struggling with.

The program also discuss the helpfulness of habit triggers, so I decided that my habit trigger would be when my kids got on the bus in the morning. After the bus left the yard I would brush my teeth, eat breakfast, and do my workout.

I was doing well for a few days and then, of course, Life Happened. I forgot to brush my teeth that morning. Then I forgot to eat breakfast and do my workout. By the time I realized what happened, my morning was "ruined" and it also started a downwards spiral for the whole day. I felt like if I couldn't even brush my damn teeth for 4 days in a row, then what is the point of doing anything well?

I decided I would post in the support group, and I made a video to muse about my observations. I talked about how frustrated I was because I had never been a dieter and I didn't think I had the "All Or Nothing" mindset. As I was talking I had a thought that I didn't have to do it "ALL". I could do SOME. So I said..."Instead of All or Nothing...I want to do All Or Something".

Now this is the whole point of the program so it definitely isn't a new way of thinking. But putting it into words like that was a lightbulb moment for me. I scaled back. I quit trying to do 3 habits. I focused on ONLY brushing my teeth and anything else became extra. I changed my habit trigger to be the instant I got up in the morning: I would go pee and then brush my teeth. It was difficult . I still forgot a lot. I got sick of it. It felt like a stupid habit. And sometimes I even would look at my toothbrush and spitefully walk away, like a petulant child. But I kept at it.

And eventually I had my teeth brushing habit so solid that 4 months after I started, I found myself brushing my teeth on one of those insane-crazy-panic-late mornings where everything is chaos. When I realized what I was doing I CRIED. I was so proud of myself for automatically brushing my teeth, even on a crazy morning, that I stood in the kitchen and cried happy tears....for approximately 6 seconds...because you know. We were late.

I started using it as a hashtag in the HHHM facebook group and it caught on quickly. Now #allorsomething has become a foundation concept and has helped hundreds of women make progress on their habits! We ditch the shame that comes with not being able to do it ALL and celebrate the SOMETHING.

What exactly does All Or Something look like? We aim for "all" but we realize that it is ok if we don't achieve it every day.

ALL= Perfectly clean house. Sound impossible? Instead of doing nothing for weeks and then flipping out and doing an Entire House Overhaul in one day...you could set a "daily cleaning timer" for 10 minutes. You will be amazed at how many week-old ketchup smears you can scrape off the table in ten minutes.

ALL= Gym workouts 3-4 days a week.  Sound impossible? Instead of waiting for spare time to squeeze in a workout...you move your body in a way that you enjoy. Go for a short walk while your partner does bedtime duty. Do yoga with your kids even if you don't have a yoga mat. Do squats when you empty the dishwasher (during your 10 minute house cleanup!). Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Not feeling well? Forget about movement and prioritize rest.

ALL = Daily showers with time to wash and condition your hair, exfoliate, moisturize, and sing beautiful love ballads while your children play nicely and don't bother you. Sound impossible? Instead of neglecting self-care and feeling like a troll...brush your teeth twice a day. Take a quick shower and wash your face at the same time. Use a nice-smelling lotion on your hands. Let the kids watch Netflix while you take your long shower. Or just put on clean socks. :P We're not setting the bar high, folks. Just *something*.

ALL = Precisely planned meals for every day of the week. Sound impossible? Take 5 minutes to cut up some cucumbers and carrots on Sunday night to munch on during the week. Next time you make spaghetti with meat sauce, cook a double recipe of meat sauce and freeze it for one of those panic-nights when you need a quick meal. And don't feel shame if you need a take-out or pre-made meal to fill in the gaps.

ALL = Going to bed at 9:30pm and getting up at 6am to have your coffee and do some journaling before your kids wake up. Sound impossible? Start with going to bed a half hour earlier than usual for a week or two, and then keep doing that until you reach your goal.

ALL = Answering all of your emails thoroughly and promptly. Sound impossible? Instead of letting 1,475 emails pile up, try answering one email before you open up Facebook.

ALL = Finishing your entire To-Do list for the day. Sound impossible? Instead of being overwhelmed by the huge responsibility, and zoning out by slouching on the couch watching Netflix all day....prioritize the most important 5 items and work on them one at a time. Even if you only get one item partially done, it is better than not trying at all.

ALL = Complete self-love of every part of your body and soul. Sound impossible? Instead of focusing on the things you hate, start with naming 5 non-physical traits you love about yourself. (Balance365 has a self-love manual to work through that helps a lot with this process)

The benefit of doing SOMETHING is that it inevitably, eventually, turns into MORE. In Balance365 we call it a Wellness Snowball. And we say "Progress Not Perfection". Because nobody can be perfect. But when you practice doing one tiny Something, it becomes a positive action that is instinctual. And it carries over into all areas of your life. One of my friends recently posted that she got sunscreen on 3 our of 5 of her family members for their outing and celebrated it with the hashtag #allorsomething!

Want in on the support and encouragement of hundreds of women practising #allorsomething every day? Read this and join the HHHM Facebook group to find a sisterhood of women who are working on being healthier and happier every day by working on small, sustainable habits.

((note: I am certainly not the only one to think of this phrase - after "my" hashtag got popular in HHHM, I did a google search to see if anyone else had thought of it, and there was lots of evidence that I was definitely not the original creator. But I will definitely take the credit for the popularity of the hashtag within the HHHM group!))

The Mommy Fog

I want to talk about the Mommy Fog.

MOMMY FOG =  when your life revolves around your kids and every adult conversation somehow dissolves into birth stories or nighttime feedings or baby's milestones.

I was solidly in the Mommy Fog for 5 years. I did not have an identity outside of my children. I existed only for them. All my energy was spent caring for them and researching how to better care for them (learning everything I could about the various things I loved. My signature line on the mommy forum I was on was full of acronyms that defined me as a "type" of mommy. I don't even understand them anymore).

I was a very well-researched mother. I was also a miserable soul although I didn't know I was. I thought I was fulfilled by motherhood.

But then my baby stopped nursing when she was 2. It was unexpexted. She was ready. It helped me realize that I was done too. I was THRILLED.

But.....now what? What do I do? My kids didn't need me as much. Both kids ate, played, and used the bathroom mostly unassisted. My mom lives close and loves to babysit but what am I supposed to do? I have nothing to do. I was 26 years old and didn't know who I was.

I started exploring myself in tiny ways. Discovering little things I liked. Tentatively using skills that had been laid dormant while I was in The Mommy Fog. Eventually I realized I was limiting myself and not really trying anything new.

In 2015 I slowly adopted a purpose. It wasn't focused on one specific hobby, activity, or interest, because I knew that my tendency is to jump from one thing to another.

My purpose was solely to find things that scare me....and do them anyway.

After a while I found myself doing these supposedly scary things automatically, and then feeling resistance and realizing afterwards "oh crap. This is scary. What am I doing here??!!"

This process has brought me back to life and taught me what I am capable of. If I tried to write a list of all the scary things I did, I don't think I could. It has been a dizzying variety of workshops, classes, social events, community gatherings, actual real dates with my husband, logistical nightmares, business successes and failures, finding new friends, losing old friends, and having countless personal wins (and a handful of giant flops).

The biggest thing I've learned is vulnerability. It's my thing now. And now that I know who I am, I can be unabashedly ME in every facet of my life. And that in itself has turned into a.....what? A habit? Ooooh snap.

I admire so many of my friends who never entered The Fog at all, or else got out quick. It takes a lot of self-awareness to hang onto yourself...and I can see now that you don't have to be fully consumed by your kids to be able to love them.

Have you been in The Mommy Fog? How did you get out?
Are you there now? Do you want to get out? What are some ways you've been able to reclaim yourself?

Or maybe you aren't ready to get out yet and that's ok. But I'm telling you....don't wait till your kids are "older". Don't wait until it's "easy". Try hard to find one tiny thing that is yours. And then find another one. Habits are a good start. And Healthy Habits take all forms. (Learn more about adding small habits to your life in this FB group)

Chase your YOU relentlessly. Without shame or guilt. After reading this post in a the facebook group linked above, my friend Sara said, "The Mommy Fog thrives on 'meh' so ENTHUSIASM IS NECESSARY"

I am thankful to The Mommy Fog for all it taught me....but I am happy to flip it the middle finger and say SEE YOU NEVER.

Things I Hate

I hate a lot of things. Most of them have to do with some sensory issues I have so they are a little quirky and the list is really long.

I have come up with a concise list that fully encompasses everything else that I hate.

That is all.

[Image description: a handwritten list on lined paper. It is written with green ink and says "board games - mini golf - small talk]

Choosing

My husband and I have been learning kettlebells from my friend who is a trainer in our closest city. We have to drive almost an hour in the middle of the day to make it work. Today we worked cows in the morning and had to stop our fencing job to come to the city.

On such a beautiful day it felt stupid to stop our farm work and drive to the city for our training. Plus we were kind of grumpy with each other because...well you know. Working with your spouse is not always easy.

But we got to train outside and it.was.amazing. We train barefoot and it felt so good to be active with the grass under our feet.

Yes, we are fairly active in our farm jobs, but we are excited about what Kettlebell can do for us and looking forward to getting stronger and having better posture, mobility, and control through our training.

And when my friend sent this photo to me, instead of critiquing my stupid hair, ugly sunglasses, flat feet, and weird expression, I decided to see a badass couple who are choosing each other every day, even when it's hard, and encouraging each other to try new things. <3

Letting Go

In a past season of my life, I would have considered buying milk and eggs at the store a huge failure.

My identity was wrapped up in being a homesteader. I had a milk cow, laying hens, and butcher chickens. We raise our own beef and I gardened with my mom so most of our food was home grown. I loved not depending on the grocery store and doing the work myself.

Then my milk cow got sick/old/frail. When she died 2 years ago, I was surprised to feel relief instead of sadness. I realized that I didn't actually want another milk cow. I was ready to let that part of me go. And it was so nice to go to the store and buy milk  (even if it does cost $6.50/gallon) and not have the hours of work and washing.

I have been "The Chicken Lady" for about 5 years. It was such a part of me that I never even considered that I couldn't be. But this spring I had an epiphany that, same as my milk cow.... I don't need the chickens. I can sell them. I can let that go. I should have done it a year ago but I didn't know that I could. They were causing me to have a constant, low-level anxiety about everything (even though the chores are so easy...it was just Too Much).

And it is such a relief. I bought eggs at the store and it was AWESOME. And I am so much happier without my chickens.

It doesn't have to be forever. And it feels good. I coined a motto last fall that I call #allorsomething....just because I recognize I need to kick the All or Nothing mindset, doesn't mean I have all my somethings figured out right now. And that's ok.

I still can't bring myself to buy chicken in the store when we have 1000 pounds of beef in our freezers but maybe someday I'll be ready. :p

What do you have wrapped up in your identity?
Do you have a similar story?
Are you working on letting something go?
Do you need to re-evaluate what you are allowing to be a part of your story?

Stupid Cheese

I would like to know in which universe this cheese makes sense.

Long, skinny cheese is annoying.

If you want to eat it on a saltine cracker you need to cut a slice of cheese and then cut it in half and put both halves on the cracker.

If you want to make melty cheese bread you need to cut 47 pieces to fit width wise, and then cut 1/8th of one end off so it doesn't hang off the top edge.

If you want to cover a casserole dish, FORGETABBOUDIT. Because when you try to shred it, the pathetic, skinny block of cheese breaks and laughs in the face of your supper attempts.

Just chuck the whole block on top and call it extra protein.

On a related note, I also hate "marble" cheese.

It annoys me and I feel the need to share this annoyance with the world. You're welcome.

Closure

The best thing about funerals is the egg salad sandwiches. 

I was at my uncle's funeral a few weeks ago and the luncheon afterwards was catered by my aunt's restaurant. It was fine, but it just wasn't the same as having the classic funeral luncheon with open-faced buns made by all the church ladies.

I don't even LIKE egg salad sandwiches but ever since the luncheon I have been thinking about them. So when I was grocery shopping today and saw a pre-made one in the cooler, I stopped to think.

I was just at the dentist getting a filling, so I needed something soft to eat.... it was 11:30 and the smart thing to do is eat... I hate egg salad but this looked delicious.... but what if they didn't use enough mustard powder...omg it's almost $5 this is insane what are you thinking.... BUY THE DAMN SANDWICH STIINA....!!!

So I bought it. And ate every last bit in the car.

Aaaahhhh. Bliss. Tastes like funeral. 😍😍

Spinsanity

So today I went to a spin class with my sister.

I have never been to a spin class before.

Turns out it is exactly like the TV spin classes (this shot captured from the remarkably bizarre Netflix show The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt).

The dim, zen-space room. The little white towels. The fake candles. The encouraging welcome and help with setting up your bike. But then.....they turn on pumping music and disco lights (seriously). The instructor in this class even had a headset microphone!

My butt was sore the instant I sat on the bike. 😂 These bikes are so fancy that you actually need to balance on them and you can lean from side to side into "turns". Pretty amazing workout if you can quit giggling because you feel like you're in a sitcom.

First she took us through a warm up, getting us used to the bikes and explained how to turn and balance. She told us about the little button to press to get the display to light up, showing us our RPM.

She took us through an "open road" sequence where we rode hard and fast. Then she took us "up a mountain" by increasing the resistance on our bikes...when we got to the top, she had us decrease the resistance and encouraged us to pedal as fast as we could.

She cited 140 RPM which concerned me as I was up to 108 RPM and kept checking my thighs to ensure they weren't starting a friction fire.

While we were doing this, she shouted at us "You are free!!! Pedal as fast as you can because you are completely free, whipping down this mountain! Free!"

Right. With these special shoes, clipped solidly into the pedals of this stationary bike. Feels free all right. 😄

I'm feeling like that was a great little progression and a nice way to end the class. Pretty proud of myself for keeping up (consistently about 30 RPM under her recommendations but that's pretty fantastic in my opinion) and feeling the happy-tired-sore workout vibes.

Turns out that was just the end of the warm-up. 😱

O
M
G

These spinsters are crazy, folks. I'm happy to report I kept my consistency and made it to the end without starting any fires. I enjoyed it overall but I admit that I was relieved when she said we were done.  The music transitioned, slowing down, to bring us to a zen state with the babbling brook,  tinkly chimes and exotic birds chirping encouragingly.

I was serenaded by the satisfying clicks of the shoes coming off of the pedals and the sound of pathetic squirts from the spray bottles of cleaning solution that everyone used to wipe their sweat off of the bikes.

NOW I feel free, except my legs are so wobbly and my butt is so sore, that I don't think I can go very far.

😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎

(PS I actually did quite enjoy it. It was a half hour spin class and there was a 1-hour yin yoga flow afterwards which was really lovely. If you are interested it is at Breathe studio in University Heights [Saskatoon] and they have drop-ins!)