The Mommy Fog

I want to talk about the Mommy Fog.

MOMMY FOG =  when your life revolves around your kids and every adult conversation somehow dissolves into birth stories or nighttime feedings or baby's milestones.

I was solidly in the Mommy Fog for 5 years. I did not have an identity outside of my children. I existed only for them. All my energy was spent caring for them and researching how to better care for them (learning everything I could about the various things I loved. My signature line on the mommy forum I was on was full of acronyms that defined me as a "type" of mommy. I don't even understand them anymore).

I was a very well-researched mother. I was also a miserable soul although I didn't know I was. I thought I was fulfilled by motherhood.

But then my baby stopped nursing when she was 2. It was unexpexted. She was ready. It helped me realize that I was done too. I was THRILLED.

But.....now what? What do I do? My kids didn't need me as much. Both kids ate, played, and used the bathroom mostly unassisted. My mom lives close and loves to babysit but what am I supposed to do? I have nothing to do. I was 26 years old and didn't know who I was.

I started exploring myself in tiny ways. Discovering little things I liked. Tentatively using skills that had been laid dormant while I was in The Mommy Fog. Eventually I realized I was limiting myself and not really trying anything new.

In 2015 I slowly adopted a purpose. It wasn't focused on one specific hobby, activity, or interest, because I knew that my tendency is to jump from one thing to another.

My purpose was solely to find things that scare me....and do them anyway.

After a while I found myself doing these supposedly scary things automatically, and then feeling resistance and realizing afterwards "oh crap. This is scary. What am I doing here??!!"

This process has brought me back to life and taught me what I am capable of. If I tried to write a list of all the scary things I did, I don't think I could. It has been a dizzying variety of workshops, classes, social events, community gatherings, actual real dates with my husband, logistical nightmares, business successes and failures, finding new friends, losing old friends, and having countless personal wins (and a handful of giant flops).

The biggest thing I've learned is vulnerability. It's my thing now. And now that I know who I am, I can be unabashedly ME in every facet of my life. And that in itself has turned into a.....what? A habit? Ooooh snap.

I admire so many of my friends who never entered The Fog at all, or else got out quick. It takes a lot of self-awareness to hang onto yourself...and I can see now that you don't have to be fully consumed by your kids to be able to love them.

Have you been in The Mommy Fog? How did you get out?
Are you there now? Do you want to get out? What are some ways you've been able to reclaim yourself?

Or maybe you aren't ready to get out yet and that's ok. But I'm telling you....don't wait till your kids are "older". Don't wait until it's "easy". Try hard to find one tiny thing that is yours. And then find another one. Habits are a good start. And Healthy Habits take all forms. (Learn more about adding small habits to your life in this FB group)

Chase your YOU relentlessly. Without shame or guilt. After reading this post in a the facebook group linked above, my friend Sara said, "The Mommy Fog thrives on 'meh' so ENTHUSIASM IS NECESSARY"

I am thankful to The Mommy Fog for all it taught me....but I am happy to flip it the middle finger and say SEE YOU NEVER.