My identity was wrapped up in being a homesteader. I had a milk cow, laying hens, and butcher chickens. We raise our own beef and I gardened with my mom so most of our food was home grown. I loved not depending on the grocery store and doing the work myself.
Then my milk cow got sick/old/frail. When she died 2 years ago, I was surprised to feel relief instead of sadness. I realized that I didn't actually want another milk cow. I was ready to let that part of me go. And it was so nice to go to the store and buy milk (even if it does cost $6.50/gallon) and not have the hours of work and washing.
I have been "The Chicken Lady" for about 5 years. It was such a part of me that I never even considered that I couldn't be. But this spring I had an epiphany that, same as my milk cow.... I don't need the chickens. I can sell them. I can let that go. I should have done it a year ago but I didn't know that I could. They were causing me to have a constant, low-level anxiety about everything (even though the chores are so easy...it was just Too Much).
And it is such a relief. I bought eggs at the store and it was AWESOME. And I am so much happier without my chickens.
It doesn't have to be forever. And it feels good. I coined a motto last fall that I call #allorsomething....just because I recognize I need to kick the All or Nothing mindset, doesn't mean I have all my somethings figured out right now. And that's ok.
I still can't bring myself to buy chicken in the store when we have 1000 pounds of beef in our freezers but maybe someday I'll be ready. :p
What do you have wrapped up in your identity?
Do you have a similar story?
Are you working on letting something go?
Do you need to re-evaluate what you are allowing to be a part of your story?
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