Step Countess

Do you use a walking tracker or step counter?

I have been on both sides of the pendulum - for a full year I was "all in" and used it all the time. Then my tracking bracelet broke and I kinda panicked. I looooooved the information I got every day.  But when I didn't have it, I realized I had an unhealthy relationship with it. I had been obsessing over it, and when I didn't have that data there waiting for me anymore, I felt so free! So I ditched it altogether. But now I've settled somewhere in the middle - I use the fitbit app to track the gps of my walks sometimes just for fun, but I still have no idea how many steps I would have taken in a day.

Here are some of the questions I wished I had asked myself when I was using the fitbit:

-Are you able to observe the information passively, or are you obsessing over the data instead of enjoying the walk itself?

-Do you find yourself swinging your arms just a little bit extra, to make sure your tracker picks up the steps?

-Do you pace your bedroom to get that last 300 steps to hit your goal number for the day?

-If you're out for a walk for 26 minutes, do you go for another 4 minutes to make it "count" as a 30-minute walk? Or getting in the last .03 km to get to an even number?

-Does hitting these arbitrary numbers really matter?

-Why does your day feel ruined when you don't hit your goal number?

-If you lose your "daily walk streak" is it really a bad thing?

Using a step counter can be a great way to increase your self-awareness and remind you to walk if you have a hard time remembering. It can definitely help you increase your daily NEAT (Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis) by giving you concrete data to help you set a reasonable goal for yourself.

But I would say that if you find yourself slipping into the mindset above, that it might be time to re-evaluate how you use your tracker. <3
Guilt, shame, and "motivation" are counterproductive to getting solid on habits.

#allorsomething

All Or Something

All or Nothing is a mentality that permeates almost every part of our culture. The problem with this way of thinking is that nobody can do All. So then they do Nothing. This is especially prevalent in the dieting world, where people will go on diets and restrict their food intake or eliminate entire food groups. This is not sustainable, and the instant they mess up and eat a "forbidden food", they will give up and binge on all the foods they weren't supposed to eat.

In September I joined a habit coaching group called Balance 365. The program is designed by the founders of Healthy Habits Happy Moms. It has some suggested habits and tips for working on them, and they recommend that you choose one habit. You work on the habit until it becomes....habit.... and then you will be ready to add a new one.

I had already been working on two habits - eating breakfast every day and doing a short exercise program afterwards. I decided that I was ready to add another one - brushing my teeth twice a day. It seems simple but it was something I was struggling with.

The program also discuss the helpfulness of habit triggers, so I decided that my habit trigger would be when my kids got on the bus in the morning. After the bus left the yard I would brush my teeth, eat breakfast, and do my workout.

I was doing well for a few days and then, of course, Life Happened. I forgot to brush my teeth that morning. Then I forgot to eat breakfast and do my workout. By the time I realized what happened, my morning was "ruined" and it also started a downwards spiral for the whole day. I felt like if I couldn't even brush my damn teeth for 4 days in a row, then what is the point of doing anything well?

I decided I would post in the support group, and I made a video to muse about my observations. I talked about how frustrated I was because I had never been a dieter and I didn't think I had the "All Or Nothing" mindset. As I was talking I had a thought that I didn't have to do it "ALL". I could do SOME. So I said..."Instead of All or Nothing...I want to do All Or Something".

Now this is the whole point of the program so it definitely isn't a new way of thinking. But putting it into words like that was a lightbulb moment for me. I scaled back. I quit trying to do 3 habits. I focused on ONLY brushing my teeth and anything else became extra. I changed my habit trigger to be the instant I got up in the morning: I would go pee and then brush my teeth. It was difficult . I still forgot a lot. I got sick of it. It felt like a stupid habit. And sometimes I even would look at my toothbrush and spitefully walk away, like a petulant child. But I kept at it.

And eventually I had my teeth brushing habit so solid that 4 months after I started, I found myself brushing my teeth on one of those insane-crazy-panic-late mornings where everything is chaos. When I realized what I was doing I CRIED. I was so proud of myself for automatically brushing my teeth, even on a crazy morning, that I stood in the kitchen and cried happy tears....for approximately 6 seconds...because you know. We were late.

I started using it as a hashtag in the HHHM facebook group and it caught on quickly. Now #allorsomething has become a foundation concept and has helped hundreds of women make progress on their habits! We ditch the shame that comes with not being able to do it ALL and celebrate the SOMETHING.

What exactly does All Or Something look like? We aim for "all" but we realize that it is ok if we don't achieve it every day.

ALL= Perfectly clean house. Sound impossible? Instead of doing nothing for weeks and then flipping out and doing an Entire House Overhaul in one day...you could set a "daily cleaning timer" for 10 minutes. You will be amazed at how many week-old ketchup smears you can scrape off the table in ten minutes.

ALL= Gym workouts 3-4 days a week.  Sound impossible? Instead of waiting for spare time to squeeze in a workout...you move your body in a way that you enjoy. Go for a short walk while your partner does bedtime duty. Do yoga with your kids even if you don't have a yoga mat. Do squats when you empty the dishwasher (during your 10 minute house cleanup!). Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Not feeling well? Forget about movement and prioritize rest.

ALL = Daily showers with time to wash and condition your hair, exfoliate, moisturize, and sing beautiful love ballads while your children play nicely and don't bother you. Sound impossible? Instead of neglecting self-care and feeling like a troll...brush your teeth twice a day. Take a quick shower and wash your face at the same time. Use a nice-smelling lotion on your hands. Let the kids watch Netflix while you take your long shower. Or just put on clean socks. :P We're not setting the bar high, folks. Just *something*.

ALL = Precisely planned meals for every day of the week. Sound impossible? Take 5 minutes to cut up some cucumbers and carrots on Sunday night to munch on during the week. Next time you make spaghetti with meat sauce, cook a double recipe of meat sauce and freeze it for one of those panic-nights when you need a quick meal. And don't feel shame if you need a take-out or pre-made meal to fill in the gaps.

ALL = Going to bed at 9:30pm and getting up at 6am to have your coffee and do some journaling before your kids wake up. Sound impossible? Start with going to bed a half hour earlier than usual for a week or two, and then keep doing that until you reach your goal.

ALL = Answering all of your emails thoroughly and promptly. Sound impossible? Instead of letting 1,475 emails pile up, try answering one email before you open up Facebook.

ALL = Finishing your entire To-Do list for the day. Sound impossible? Instead of being overwhelmed by the huge responsibility, and zoning out by slouching on the couch watching Netflix all day....prioritize the most important 5 items and work on them one at a time. Even if you only get one item partially done, it is better than not trying at all.

ALL = Complete self-love of every part of your body and soul. Sound impossible? Instead of focusing on the things you hate, start with naming 5 non-physical traits you love about yourself. (Balance365 has a self-love manual to work through that helps a lot with this process)

The benefit of doing SOMETHING is that it inevitably, eventually, turns into MORE. In Balance365 we call it a Wellness Snowball. And we say "Progress Not Perfection". Because nobody can be perfect. But when you practice doing one tiny Something, it becomes a positive action that is instinctual. And it carries over into all areas of your life. One of my friends recently posted that she got sunscreen on 3 our of 5 of her family members for their outing and celebrated it with the hashtag #allorsomething!

Want in on the support and encouragement of hundreds of women practising #allorsomething every day? Read this and join the HHHM Facebook group to find a sisterhood of women who are working on being healthier and happier every day by working on small, sustainable habits.

((note: I am certainly not the only one to think of this phrase - after "my" hashtag got popular in HHHM, I did a google search to see if anyone else had thought of it, and there was lots of evidence that I was definitely not the original creator. But I will definitely take the credit for the popularity of the hashtag within the HHHM group!))

The Mommy Fog

I want to talk about the Mommy Fog.

MOMMY FOG =  when your life revolves around your kids and every adult conversation somehow dissolves into birth stories or nighttime feedings or baby's milestones.

I was solidly in the Mommy Fog for 5 years. I did not have an identity outside of my children. I existed only for them. All my energy was spent caring for them and researching how to better care for them (learning everything I could about the various things I loved. My signature line on the mommy forum I was on was full of acronyms that defined me as a "type" of mommy. I don't even understand them anymore).

I was a very well-researched mother. I was also a miserable soul although I didn't know I was. I thought I was fulfilled by motherhood.

But then my baby stopped nursing when she was 2. It was unexpexted. She was ready. It helped me realize that I was done too. I was THRILLED.

But.....now what? What do I do? My kids didn't need me as much. Both kids ate, played, and used the bathroom mostly unassisted. My mom lives close and loves to babysit but what am I supposed to do? I have nothing to do. I was 26 years old and didn't know who I was.

I started exploring myself in tiny ways. Discovering little things I liked. Tentatively using skills that had been laid dormant while I was in The Mommy Fog. Eventually I realized I was limiting myself and not really trying anything new.

In 2015 I slowly adopted a purpose. It wasn't focused on one specific hobby, activity, or interest, because I knew that my tendency is to jump from one thing to another.

My purpose was solely to find things that scare me....and do them anyway.

After a while I found myself doing these supposedly scary things automatically, and then feeling resistance and realizing afterwards "oh crap. This is scary. What am I doing here??!!"

This process has brought me back to life and taught me what I am capable of. If I tried to write a list of all the scary things I did, I don't think I could. It has been a dizzying variety of workshops, classes, social events, community gatherings, actual real dates with my husband, logistical nightmares, business successes and failures, finding new friends, losing old friends, and having countless personal wins (and a handful of giant flops).

The biggest thing I've learned is vulnerability. It's my thing now. And now that I know who I am, I can be unabashedly ME in every facet of my life. And that in itself has turned into a.....what? A habit? Ooooh snap.

I admire so many of my friends who never entered The Fog at all, or else got out quick. It takes a lot of self-awareness to hang onto yourself...and I can see now that you don't have to be fully consumed by your kids to be able to love them.

Have you been in The Mommy Fog? How did you get out?
Are you there now? Do you want to get out? What are some ways you've been able to reclaim yourself?

Or maybe you aren't ready to get out yet and that's ok. But I'm telling you....don't wait till your kids are "older". Don't wait until it's "easy". Try hard to find one tiny thing that is yours. And then find another one. Habits are a good start. And Healthy Habits take all forms. (Learn more about adding small habits to your life in this FB group)

Chase your YOU relentlessly. Without shame or guilt. After reading this post in a the facebook group linked above, my friend Sara said, "The Mommy Fog thrives on 'meh' so ENTHUSIASM IS NECESSARY"

I am thankful to The Mommy Fog for all it taught me....but I am happy to flip it the middle finger and say SEE YOU NEVER.